Some thoughts

Hannah is 4 weeks today. Wow! There has been so much going on and where has the time gone? We spent our first 2 weeks in the NICU and the last 2 weeks enjoying being together. So what is our new normal? I have a new baby but yet I don't. Let me explain.... Hannah has a home nurse that comes for 5 hours a day. In the time that Sarah (the nurse) is here it is my job to let her take care of Hannah while I run errands, take Caleb to play groups, spend one on one time with Caleb, and clean my house. How strange is this? It is hard for me. Hannah is home bound so the only time we get to go out with her to the hospitals for her many appointments (where all the sick people go).

We do not get to go out as a family... we get to go out with Caleb (which is wonderful) while Hannah stays home with her nurse. So as hard as it is, it is also a blessing otherwise we would never leave the house. We have to be very careful not be exposed to illness.

We will have a weekend nurse starting on Saturday and I am excited and ready to go back to church.
At times I cry because I am normal and if given a chance to really dwell on things the negatives and ugly what ifs rear their head in my direction. So what do I do to make these doubts go away? Pray morning and night and when I start to feel sad, I have learned to take one day at time, to be thankful for each day we are blessed with, to be positive with every new challenge, and to focus on the now... the future will come sooner than we expect.

How easy it is to take for granted the simple joys of life that seem so mundane until you lose them. For all the moms out there... enjoy nursing even if it seems tedious at times, enjoy giving baths, enjoy the cuddles, and cherish the noise of a healthy cry. I miss nursing and the bond that comes with it. When my baby cries it is soft and weak because it is hard work for her heart. Hannah at times due to her heart just wants to be put down and left alone. She is getting better. The simple every day things that defines being a mom to a healthy baby really are joyful even if they seem boring or not so fun at the time. I miss them.

Hannah is an amazing daughter of God! She has already brought many blessings to our family. She will do many great things in her life and will not be limited to what the medical field says she can or can not do. I am confident as her mother she will do all the things a healthy child does once her fragile heart is fixed :) We will not limit her.

So many people have sent gifts and letters, made meals, sent their love and support, offered prayers and fasted in our be half, watched Caleb, and cleaned my home. We are ever so grateful... I have not forgotten the service and one day I will get a personalized note to you all. I am truly touched by the love and peace I have felt... One thing I have learned thus far is one way Heavenly Father blesses, uplifts, sustains, and lifts some of the burdens we carry is through the love and service of others. I have felt this love, we as a family have felt the peace that comes from the spirit.

Caleb is doing wonderful and loves being a big brother. He will get diapers if asked and will ask to hold Hannah. It is so cute... "hold" he asks.... so you let him hold her and in 3 minutes he says"done" and if you aren't on your toes he will put her down with or without your help. When he says done he means done :)

With love,
Sam